Nobody Wants to Read Your Report

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Do you love spending 2 hours questioning your life choices?

Do you get excited for 90’s style Excel pie charts?

Are 48 pages of data ‘just not enough’ for you?

Then you’ll LOVE reports™. In fact, long, tedious reports are simply the best thing ever. Especially when delivered in sweaty boardrooms on a Friday after 4 pm. Here’s why:

We get to catch up on sleep

If you’ve missed out on a good eight hours, there’s nothing better than sitting back and delving into 62 slides of report-fueled slumber. Tip: If you snore, be sure to position yourself carefully at the back of the room.

We get to flex our theatrical muscles

When your colleague pretends to care enough to ask a question during a painful report, their efforts should be rewarded! Points go for poise, enunciation and conviction. Bonus points if they manage to say words such as “fascinating” or “hmmm, absolutely”.

They make us reflect on our life and ask “was it all worth it?”

Say what you like about them destroying your soul, there really never is a better chance to sit and contemplate life than when you’re reading an annual report. They sure do put things in perspective, and inspire you to ask yourself those life-defining questions like ‘what if I packed up and moved to Thailand?’ or ‘I wonder if it’s too late to take over the family farm?’.

OK, maybe you get my point by now, there’s really nothing good about boring reports. Especially since reports don’t have to be boring. They can even be fun! (there, I said it.)

For the lowdown on how to do make that happen, take a look at my ‘guide to the non-boring report’ and report back with your findings. 😉